I turn now to the conversation I had Friday night - my reason number 2 for creating a blog yesterday. Prepare yourselves; this is a deeper topic than I should endeavor to comment on so early in my tenure here on blogspot, but I promise more light and fluffy topics later.
I was at a party with law students (control your yawns, please) when the subject of Chris Brown and Rihanna came up. This story has been all over the news for the past few weeks, and even before the party, I was having trouble dealing with the way the media has handled it. The man I was talking to at the party basically said Chris Brown is a disgusting person and should be locked up. Fair enough. Then, someone else piped in and said, "Rihanna is just as bad for going back to him." Just as bad? Pause. Raise eyebrows. Really? Sure, she's setting an incredibly poor example for her young fans as well as the millions of women who are themselves victims of domestic violence. But how can we sit back and blame Rihanna for what appears to be a blatant example of what women with battered women's syndrome experience every day? Both of these individuals need help. Judging Rihanna for "forgiving" him just feeds the cycle.
Yes, Rihanna's abuse has taken place on a much larger stage, before a much larger audience than the millions of other domestic abuse victims in our country, and yes it is horrible to see two people whose careers and personas influence so many embroiled in such a tumultuous relationship; however, this story could have helped the less famous abuse victims begin to fight back. I think the media has gone about this horribly wrong, in framing Chris Brown as an anomaly. It has treated him as a wayward youngster, in need of anger management classes, and time away from his lady to rehabilitate himself. The media has not, so far as I have seen, done anything productive to showcase this relationship as illustrating the huge problem we have in this country with domestic violence- to show victims they are not alone, and that they can (and should) get help. Oprah and Tyra Banks both discussed the topic on their talk shows during the height of the media coverage of the Chris Brown-Rihanna story, but neither of their websites (homepages) so much as mentions domestic abuse today, just a few weeks later.
One in four women will experience domestic violence during her life. ONE in FOUR! Why, then, do we only see it when a celebrity is a victim? (And if this statistic is to be believed, then many other celebrities are suffering from domesic abuse, but they have not been spotlighted in the way Rihanna has.) As sad as this story is, it should not be shocking news. And as upsetting as it is to see Rihanna return to her abuser, she is certainly not "just as bad" as he is. She needs help. He needs help. And we need to stop talking about them as if they are the only people alive involved in this sort of relationship.
B,
ReplyDeleteI agree that she's not "as bad" and I worry that it's unfair to give her personal life the kind of public scrutiny that it's received--no one deserves that, especially when something like this happens. This guy you spoke to was hyperbolic at best and foolish at worst.
That said, you point out that victims should get help. That she did not could send the wrong message. Compared to most vicitms, she's probably in the best position to get out of the situation: the whole country is behind her (whereas most victims would likely face shame), and she's independently wealthy--not supported by him at all. If we fail to give some reasoned critique of her decision, we perhaps let victims see that even in the easiest of situations to leave, it's still not done. A a discussion of why victims forgive and how not to fall into the cycle would fit right in with what you desire, and the best starting point for that discussion is the suggestion that perhaps she made the wrong choice.
m